eunoia🪐

 stalking up the streets of every city and town, trying to find my name somewhere written on a house, shall I dive to the bottom? grow a pair of gills, shall I leap out of bounds? sprout a pair of wings, build a burrow under sand rummage through a nest, hide into a cave or cry in my mother's chest, does it even exist? a place called home, perhaps in the heavens mirage of some sorts, stuck into a labyrinth so many different roads, expanding my lungs I peep into my own, there under my ribs I found a nomad's soul, living a little everywhere roaming happily alone.   

Big old city you're a little too loud, well trodden pavements getting lost in crowds, Itch beneath my skin I can't even prod, pull on my bones I can't control, hold on for a second tune out the noise, ringing in my head is that my own voice? can you hear my heart poking in my ribs, singing with birds dancing with the winds, why are you rushing ahead walking so fast, you'll crush the sapling poking his head out, leave me behind let me lay on ground, warmth enclosing me I'll sleep so sound, maybe I'll come back after I cross the veil, to see the earthbed grow mosses on my grave.

oh hush little baby won't you hear me? we can sit in silence, I'll just accompany why do you fear me? I don't have a face, do you see yourself? I'll not ask your name, dark is not so bad renders people blind, you can cut your threads cry a river inside, can't we be friends? abyss won't led you stray, I'll hold your hand hear what you say, we could be together make our own plays, but here is not your home I can't let you stay, don't you worry little one I'll follow your way, beneath your footsteps behind the light rays.

you stifled your voice when it got too loud, took to small places never wanting to be found, lumps in your throat you swallowed at once, rocks on your chest you pushed them down, people you bled for left an empty husk, like ashes after burning smothering in dust, staring ahead so far with head in the clouds, ghost in your own memories weaving through crowds, i remember you wondered if you were too broken? if you will be saved? or just die rotten if only you could see time's gonna heal, white lines we wore are starting to thin, i search you in shadows feel you under my skin, layers under my core where you have always been, I'll hold you close now you should go to sleep, you were so brave rest well, little me.

what is this feeling that creeps along my chest, whenever I see you smile takes away my breath, dancing hues on your cheeks your hands presses on mine, like the sea blushes when sky is painted wine, flowers bloomed beneath my ribs that was when I knew, like sunflower to the sun I always turned to you, they call us sinners for the feelings we lay, I wonder if it would be fine if we were born the other way, I'm tired of hiding the pretense of being friends, denying a piece of me for the sake of everyone else, maybe we can commit this sin if it promises us forever, maybe the earth won't judge us we can rest our bones together.

curled against your chest with my feet tucked in bed, I could feel your heartbeat from your arm beneath my head, my little feet always hurried while you waited with a smile, just by holding your finger I could walk to any mile, now after a decade or so I wish I could hit rewind, to feel the connection that we left behind, what race should I win so you feel proud again, what skin should I don so you see me the same, I could rip my heart out but I'm afraid it's small, you deserve so much more I'm trying to give my all, my lungs burn as I run to reach you so far, you're standing close to me but somehow worlds apart, you still smile the same just your stubble is a little white, we share the last name like strangers under the same light.

 f açade game of charades we play all the time, pretty faces, wide smiles guess it all can be a lie, don't smile too big it'll look fake, but if you frown once what the people will say, some parts of us died just so we can survive, we got blood on our hands tainted like a knife, don't give anything away pretend you're just fine, you can pull yourself apart when you bleed into the nigh t.